the self

• Choice
  • You can follow the herd or be on the fringe of society
  • Attraction to the fringe
    • Pressure
    • Curiosity
  • To be at the fringe take courage
    • may not be fruitful
• Sustainability
• Self as inexhaustible source of aspiration
  • Heidegger depicts the angel, your devine double
    • Messenger / mediator with the supreme being of knowing
  • I was seeing self more like sacred second self
    • awe, wonder, emerging
• New insight in relation to enabling activation
  • How about also seeing the self being inexhaustible nothingness?
    • Bottom up affording insight and creativity
  • Propositional knowing is guiding but also entrapping
  • Use of abstract symbols allow for the freedom of emergence
  • So how about a less defined vision of self, to the extreme, nothingness
  • However, also requires the awe and wonder top down
• Summary
  • Use the imaginal of Self as the meeting of
  • My
    • Concrete sensory
    • Abstract imaginal
    • Nothingness
  • With sense of understanding of external
    • Cultural wisdom
    • Cultural biases / traps
  • Remember integrated (synthesis), co-creating

reflections

• At the fringe of social norms
  • it is hard work to be at the fringes of social norms
  • it takes courage
  • it may be because of pressure biological / survival
  • it may be of interest

Importance of the sacred

• If everything is relationships
  • … and I question if anything is objective
  • the practice of religion is a meaningful practice
  • of relating with something untouchable
  • practice in relating
  • in turn knowing yourself in relation to
  • maybe therapy isn’t about knowing, but practise becoming
• Maybe becoming the Self is a similar process to touching God

reflections in rd

• Grateful for the gift of the platform for reflection and the plausible insights I received
• grateful for my personal reflections today
  • my visualisation of the death of my son as preparation for tragedy
  • my reminder that I am right at the beginning of my letting go process
• little confused by the weekend
  • realised I have learnt a lot already
  • something about the possible indulging, good to feel the boundary
  • holding it lightly
• Have a favour to ask
  • over the weekend someone who betrayed me got in touch, how might I reply
    • lost in his ways, bully
  • Thanks for you email, hope you and your family are well. Can you send an agenda so I can feedback

RD thoughts

• Noticing I am speaking of therapy as a concept
  • when really it is an my own connection with it
  • that will change over time
• I do still like to explore myself the fittedness of counselling in my own development.
• Trainers feedback
  • Love is on the receive
    • slower paraphrasing, affirmations, reflections
    • for trust to build, you need the love archetype
    • you are all where you need to be right now
  • Will = second stage
    • with trust - starts to be more challenging
    • and you can be better if you change etc
  • Recommended reading:
    • Care of the soul
    • Dark night of the soul
• I found this advise quite profound!
  • There was a show of hands as to where our focus was.
  • I was the only one who had the focus on the will.
  • Maybe I came to the course / RD sessions etc with a trust, of which the others needed to develop.
  • Therefore I jumped straight to the will and challenge.
  • The others might not have developed the trust yet leading to confusion and defensiveness!

counselling skills reflections

• Difficulty breaking frame from as I perceive a potential client
  • Confidence of value
  • Impatience
  • Values
  • Care
• From strengths finder
  • Context
  • Discipline
  • Competition
  • Maximiser
  • Harmony
• What does this suggest to myself about myself?
  • Impatience of being
  • context and harmony needed for counselling
  • context, discipline, maximiser needed for capitalist
• I had to work very hard, treading water, to pull out and respond to what we where asked to focus on. I had to fight the coffee to remain attentive to the subtleties
• Am I putting myself through this because I am aware of a hole in my development? An imbalance in my quest to become more wise?
• I am gaining an understanding of therapy as a means to set the scene for the others transcendence. Agapic love.
  • This is always going to be useful. However, half the time the other would need to use this insight to embody it and that is where a coach may be better placed.
  • I question my sustainability in this field. I am sing it to become more wise and a better human. Can I find fuel to help the other beyond exploration of this gap?
• where do I belong?

counselling skills reflection

• I admitted to feeling like a fraud and not caring at all time, maybe not my vocation
• Why do I wish to jump over the data and get straight to the point - efficiency
• Was told that for true transcendance the client needs to discover the aspects for themselves - participatory knowledge
• Analogy providing survival tech to africa need to come from them for it to be sustainable
• Instead, focus on being a mirror
• Agapic love - To give - Set the scene for their own transcendence.
• Conclusion - The future is unwritten and can be unseeable. I am here an willing to make the most of this opportunity

Reading The Way of Psychosynthesis

• In prep for my next therapy session, I should
  • Dig out my characters, strengths, values etc
  • Map out future potentiality
  • Visualise timeline

Thoughts on the RD conflict

• Q1 relating to frustration
  • It appears that my participation in the group frustrates you. Do you see this in a good or bad way, or both?
• Q2 relating to expectation
  • It appears that there is a level of expectation as to how I or others respond towards what is put out. What do you think would happen if you were met with only that of your expectation?
• Q3 relating to trust
  • I heard an appearance of breakdown in trust. What would be required to repair that level of trust?
• What is uncomfortable for me?
  • It frustrates me that we cannot spend our time examining our higher selves
  • I believe it it because we are spending too much/all our time expressing our lower confused unhealthy selves
  • I realise identifying our unhealthy selves is a process we all need to go through. However:
    • This space was not designed as a therapy session of which I feel it is being abused as one due to the parameters
    • We are not trained to be therapists (yet) and so asking us to be one and to cover this ground is a tall order
• What can I do to relieve my frustration?
  • Let go of my ambition and wait patiently
  • Meet your frustration
    • Danger of reinforcing it if you are unwilling to meet
  • Expose my frustration
    • Opens the door for adult conversation
  • Find a bridge to help us both transcend this frame

Thoughts on chapters

• The limbo, the beginning, middle and end of a chapter is very linked to the stages of Will
  • As one has mastered the subject and anxiety turns to oneness with the arena, one creates room for another creation
  • During the overlap, there is a relationship dance between the two creativities
  • To survive, the new creation needs to see potential and then develop a strong force to impress itself into the arena
  • The space is not big enough for the two and the strong will puts pressure on the being will of the first.
  • With a firm understanding, the first can initiate the letting go process back into limbo, allowing the second the opportunity to master and lead
  • chapters seeming analogous to granular synthesis:
    

    

• With relation to the dynamics in the RD group:
  • There is a dance of play
  • Maybe I am asked to to role the frustrater allowing them to highlight, question part old frames and head towards the limbo stageMaybe for me, it is doing the same. To part the impressive drive and learn to listen

Meeting with the course tutor

• Reluctant to being one person to lead the conversation as I was wanting the relational dynamics trainer’s opinion. Instead I received what I expected from the meeting
  • The tutor was not present so could not give me the professional opinion of my questions of what was happening in the group
    • was the group heading in an unhealthy direction
    • was this normal and part of what was expected
    • was I in the wrong and am behaving unhealthily within the group
  • He shielded me from talking to the trainer and suggested I spoke to my therapist and waited for the next session to bring this up
  • Even though unwilling to help, he is at least aware of what happened to take into consideration in the future
  • I acknowledged that I did learn from this experience non-the-less

Relational dynamics

• I address the issue I experienced with last month’s RD group straight away. This was all handled in good faith and I felt like both sides showed a mature level of responsibility towards their own participation in the conflict.
• We then listened to a number of people voice the issues they were experiencing in their current lives. Sometimes I brought my observations to the table that seemed appreciated and praised, other times where I could not bring something relevant I remained silent.
• When there was a large pause of silence, I made a suggestion that we swing the attention towards a more chatty and positive form with the question of what brought us to studying psychosynthesis. Not everyone answered and some were hesitant, but more or less I think the suggestion was accepted.
• I was asked what was happening for me and so I answered with absolute honesty thinking that people could handle and appreciate my observations:
  • I was noticing we were spending all of our time on the negative.
  • With the knowledge that becoming aware of the negative narratives where an important part of change, another important, and so far neglected, part is to focus on where we would like to be headed.
  • I noted my desire to explore more questions such as views of meaning and direction and how it related to the content of the course.
  • I noted I struggle with the pace of the group and am used to a more energetic and creative exchange.
  • I expressed my enjoyment in identifying the models on models as a way to relate to our experience and that I would love spending more time discussing how these models are for us with the experiences we have.
• We were asked to check in at the end of the day. One student expressed her strong offence to what I said which led to the student I had the issue last month agreeing with the statement that I was lacking in feeling and was cold. He used my ‘models on models’ expression to back up his argument.
  • I expressed that that was unfair and that I should be judged in that way and that history shows that reality has been described through both rationality and spirituality of which even today we have not arrived at a decision of certainty and possibly never will.
  • The first student started to hide, but also expressed that my statements muted her (using the term I used earlier with the first conflict)
  • I was told by the tutor that I was a thinker and saw reality through that viewpoint as though I was someone different to the centre of the group.
  • I explained that that statement was also unfair and that I have shown my vulnerable side, told through my heart with trust.
• We were asked to wrap up the session with one word.
  • I said “exhausted”
  • There was at least a 2 minute silence before anyone else spoke.
• I feel like:
  • The students are wallowing in their ego narratives
  • I want to talk on a higher disidentified layer and have some fun!

will seminar

• Was told I was great at helping the client explore her imagination
  • Timing, stearing
• Feeling like the trainer, although probably very capable, came across quite board and without the energy to listen or articulate accurately. More interested in impress his own current views
• One student I find is still kicking up a fuss for attention

Seminar on cultivating the will

• Really enjoyed spending some time contemplating the will and how I connect with it.
• My main insight:
  • Not wanting to impress my vision onto nature and others without good reason–
• When role playing as a therapist
  • Was very tired and couldn’t concentrate, relied on the script.
  • Client noticed I was box ticking

Studying “The way of psychosynthesis”

• Very interesting to see the social dynamics of Roberto Assegioli and his companions as they sift through the query of life, social pressers and ego dynamics. It is not too dissimilar to my own, although in a different field.
• Related the ebbs and flows of friendships, focus, intuition drives, experimentations

Psychosynthesis weekend thoughts

• After a great two days of lectures with Diana Whitmore, I was disheartened with the relational dynamics again.
• I strongly annoyed one person with my eager and wide perspective. Followed by being picked out by three others as indirectly talking about them in a cutting manner.
• I know I am direct, with strong values of wanting to connect with reality, and values of truth, and that these at times are non-conformist to our current cultural-norm.
• I know I am not willing to conform to simply fit in, and that my loneliness is an issue in my life.
• I wonder how it will play out within the group
• I wonder on my suitability to work with people as a career
• I hope I have speeded up their journey
• I wish to make way with more connections within the group and further deepen my studies.

Thoughts while studying Augustine and Aquinas

• It seems our dependency of having propositional thought to explain reality has swamped our ability to know through experiencing reality

Thoughts while taking notes on subpersonalities

• Maybe I should compile a comprehensive list of my subpersonalities and find the higher transpersonal quality between them

Writing notes on Read Hardy J: (1996): A Psychology with a Soul (Woodgrange).

• I have found writing notes on what I read brings me 100x more closer to the content. It takes a lot longer, but seems totally worth it at this stage.
• I noticed some confusion with the description of the ‘I’. It appears that, either I haven’t fully grasped what was written, or it is a personal relationship that might evolve as time goes on. It is stated to be the source to my experience, and that is something I have felt when going through a balanced view or neti-neti process. However, I didn’t connect with what was written in the book.

Listening to a podcast by actualised on The big picture of Personal development

This was a fantastic summary and I need to go through it again making notes. I didn’t agree with his final statement that we have the capacity to know everything. Also, I noticed that he forgot something that feels, to me, a fundamental reason for personal development. Long standing species, such as a bee, has an optimal grip on being a bee as an agent in its arena. Humans, however, are not in harmony with their environment and therefore unsustainable.

Meaning crisis Study group

• Focus on existential inertia and gnosis.

  • Using psycho technologies (context) along with a higher state of consciousness
  • Activates and transform perspectival and participatory knowing, optimal grip on reality
  • Liberates from existential entrapment (stuck / stupefied)

• This was a fascinating discussion group and seemed really related to the conversation I had just before. I loved the description in existential inertia as this was a state I felt so strongly in the building towards my company exit. One could look at the exit process both as inflicted and self-inflicted, and to a greater extent the battle against change would have been a tricky one and therefore not really inert. However, I really related to this state as the need to understand what I would lose and miss out on was so great and unknowable. I wished that one of the coaches/therapists had role-played this scenario with me.

• There was a new guy on the group called Tim of whom I connected, meeting him with a similar level of energy, enthusiasm and pace.

Chat with course member

• I had some fears with how people may perceive me as having organized a course group social with no one turning up. I also decided to just allow it and not waste energy on such a thought. Someone did turn up halfway through the announced time. I chose to completely look over any thought I may have had in what that person may have thought about joining lonely me.
• We had a fab discussion, talking about our experience in the lead up to the course and during our first few days.
• A running theme of the conversation included the benefits of the course over simply self study. We both agreed that now was the time, and putting it off would simply lead to not being as deep the following year regardless of continuing the course or not. Also that we appreciated the aspect of play within the thematic seminars as something we all need more in life.
• I felt I got a little closer to the student with keen interest to continue pushing for more connection.

Reflections on writing autobiography

• Interesting to witness
  • whole areas of life being framed by single scenes
  • Such a large collections of memories I have chosen not to include even though they have all been a part of the journey of who I am
  • I have chosen to write down mostly negative events and generalised positives

Writing the high level course structure

It was great to finally come into contact with the course as a whole and in detail.

• I recognised familiarities of my past academic experiences and elements that will challenge them. The focus on intra- and inter-personal processes was regarded as unremarkable and a waste of time in previous courses, so I recognise I am going to be very conscious of when and how this will be present in my written work.
• It has become apparent that some extra focus upfront will put me in a good groove to align with and make the most of this course
• I am excited for my first therapy session and feel the need to write some of my autobiography to maximise my time with her with regards to getting to know me within the context of the course
• I feel the need to reach out toward the other students to get to know them some more and exchange our initial connection with the course

Actions

• Write a structure for the workbook
• Write further reflections on the subpersonalities sessions
• Write further reflections on the relational dynamics session
• Read+notes Hardy J: (1996): A Psychology with a Soul (Woodgrange)

Preparations for psychosynthesis course

• Start journal (this) by bring up to date
• Write High level course structure
• Order foundations google docs folder in prep for workbook

Preparations for personal therapist

• Start autobiography notes
• Snapshot of Personal character map. Including and salience ordering of values, capable arenas/mediums, vision
• Snapshot of salient questions

Conversations with Joshua

• What is a highly beneficial and plausible occupation right now and into the future?
• Above satisfying personal survival needs, such as finances to pay the bills and family attention to connect and satisfy the needs of my immediate loved ones.

Meaning

• Immersion in the details of a container promotes a self-deception of reality. It is visible through my own experience the beliefs I had for the benefit of the container while immersed in it were strongly purposeful, yet outside the container could seem meaningless or trivial.
• If the arena is correct, then it would include support for the agent being human and all the facets and limitations that come with that.
• Beliefs seem important in order to maintain the existing structures. If we all put our attention on metadata, many survival needs, such as health, security, law would collapse.

Therefore, to support the creation of transcendable arenas for all humanity might not be a positive strategy.

Personal integration

• Possible occupation of a coach
• Music for me would benefit as an expression of my agency for others to reflect from

Company integration

• Companies encourage a shared cultural ideology and orientation of the individuals that work there, but are often orientated towards capitalism values due to their need for survival in the current culture. What would it take for a company to listen to the idea of transcendence?
• Companies such as Shell and BT have announced the orientation away from the use of fossil fuels. However, their motivation might be from the wrong source, being one of survival pressure need to continue their existing capitalism values of growth instead of agape love for the other (environment)