Being motivated by low latency audio software

• Always more interested in tuning things instead of using things
  • Looking at low level code feels like touching the items I use
  • Without being involved I feel subject to someone else’s limitations
  • Is there a lot of ego there?
• However, it also fills me with dread.
  • This space where no one goes. Art where no one looks
  • So easily dismissed
  • Void of humanity
  • Slave to an illusion
• Do I really want to make another product?
  • A whole bunch of tick-box tasks
  • Creating a tool that doesn’t contribute towards something worth while like contributing towards the environment
• Seeing an old employee as part of the team of people working on the audio language made me notice some things
  • Feeling unwanted. Noticing he liked me but has never encouraged our friendship
  • Jealousy
    • Partner talking about him working with people all over the country
    • Stepping into his territory
    • catching myself, making sure this motivation was for the right reasons, something that I connect with, not in comparison to another
  • Hope that I might be accepted
  • Summarising
    • There is an ich to be scratched
    • It doesn’t need to be what I commit myself towards
      • I would have to work on acceptance that I would not fully engaged and capable within the arena
    • Maybe I could convert my existing ‘Jasper’ software while also keeping my eyes on the environment
      • How would my brother feel about that?

My note to my brother

I had to write about that audio software exploration in my journal and I noticed a few things.

• I seem to like touching the things that I use. Wanting to know what they look like inside.
• Approaching low level code feel like art where no one goes. The opposite direction of humanity and connection. However, I can see the SOUL code feels intuitive and there is a lot to easily learn about dsp.
• I wonder if converting jasper to be web based would something of use.
• I wounder how you would feel if I set sail on converting the max into code
• I should be doing something that contributes towards the relationship of humanity with the environment, not creating another product…