Sexualities & Genders I

G. Luichjes

Geil - Questioning and Clinical
Topics
- Experience / Relation
- Working with boundaries, lifting, setting
  - If you are open, look at what happens if you limit it
- Social Bias
- Intersectionality
- Eros = how does it feel to be alive? What is blocking you from expressing
What would you like to cover in this session?
- Risk, holding back
  - Expression, having something to express
  - Unity
  - Historical body response
- Others
  - Archetyping injustice - rage energy
    - What happens if we keep pushing energy down?
  - People pleaser
  - Cultural framing of advances
  - Fear of rejection
  - Topic of non-binary
  - Fear of not being accepted generally
  - Shame
  - Homophobe subpersonality
Intersexualisation
- How do we internalise our biases etc?

Exercise 1

Psychosynthesis has become more scientific
Notice the body - oldest wisdom
- Helping us register
- Acknowledge it, first witness
- Body has its own language
Express
- We are one
- Muscular / strong / supportive
- Team
- Interment
- Sharing
- Eros / Philia / Agape
What do you have to say to the image?
- Natural
- Desire
Try different postures to relate to the image
- Strong
- Skin
- Cheek, neck
Present
- Others
  - Serenity - flower, strong and delicate
  - Lungs - branches, love
  - Dress with cut to allow movement
  - Rabbit in a hole
  - Cock and balls - misuse
  - Diamond in a box
  - Crown - heavy
  - Star - but not allowed
  - Cherries - ripe but also rotten
  - Abstract triangle with long thread - sexy
- How did you feel presenting?
  - Open
  - A bit silly
  - Without expression
  - Lack of individualism
  - Hope and desire / sad

Exercise 2

Myths and stereotypes
- Cultures influence
- How do I respond
Self
- Noticed a challenge when my son chose knickers and, I let be, but struggled again when dressing him.
- Similar to when he wants to put on a dress in a social situation - protection
- bravery
Other
- Am I sending mixed messages
- Intentional blocks
How do you relate / impact?
- Cultural setting
- Individual stage of ego development

Exercise 3 - reflective

First and last sexual experience
- First
  - Curious
  - Public
  - Hypersensitive
  - Innocent fun / playful
  - Exploratory
  - Hormonal
- Now
  - Disconnect
  - Less in body
  - Reaching for connection
  - Giving
  - Less relevant
How does it feel right now? What is the information received?
- Discovered that the chosen experience wasn’t sexual while there are times before that we much more nauthy and sexy
- Interest in
  - Danger,
  - Pushing boundaries
  - Exposure
- Trainer
  - Exploring your own body
  - Family values / traits
How our sexual identity has been impacted by conditioning
- What does that do to your aliveness
  - Cutting parts off because considered bad in values
First sexual experience might not have been sexual, maybe for them
How do you define what is sexual?
Men dressed in dresses
Why not disidentify from your gender
1 in a thousand has a mis gender biology
Even if I live in a man’s body, am I the social construct male?
https://youtube.com/watch?v=ddKwb3Wzz0w

Lesson 2

Wondering at the relationship and significance between sexuality and gender
Sex as force of nature = issentialism
Allowed to enjoy without procreation
Notice love and will as separate forces
Previous concepts were not matching up with questionnaires
The way we look at sexy woman/men changes over time
- Social construction
- Symbolic
What is the impact of dualistic thinking?
- Assume sex and gender is congruent - not assigned a sex (affirming gender)
- What is the effect of boundaries and categories?
Thoughts
- Psychotechnologies - symbol - look through it
- Look at the transpersonal through symbols
- Language as dualistic categorisation
Intersectionality
- Objective / subjective / transjective
- Are we having fun? Etc
- Connect - disconnect
- identities
- Question of missing awe and wonder
- Finding new ways of being distinguished

Exercise 4

4 steps - drawing material
3 draws
- Top draw = fantasies you find easy to share
  - Open heavy top
    - exposing front
    - tease of breast
    - Wonder
  - Cap
    - Young
    - Rebellious
    - Fun
    - naughty
- Middle draw = fantasies you would share with only a few people
  - Nature
    - Exposure
    - infinity
  - Naughty risk
    - Personal sharing with one other
  - Slightly confused, does this mean it is holding transpersonal aspects
- Third draw = fantasies you would not share
  - Empty container
  - Not able to provide / produce
  - Fat
  - Vessel
  - Capacity for more
  - Shame
  - Private
- What has changed about the draws
  - Less attractive
  - Rustic
  - Enough
  - Real
What was the experience like?
- Nice to reflect
- Bit of what I knew already
- Did I go deep enough?
- How might I go further?
Connection between the images?
- Naughty, rebel, youth, exploring, free
Share one after the other and see the three images.
- What did you get in touch with?
- How do the images talk to you?
- Is there a relationship between them?
- Guide your partner, please don’t interpret, just be the witness.
- Ask deepening questions and include body, feelings and mind. What is more dominantly present, which parts less?
- What could be the story behind that?
More thoughts
- Outer (draw1) to inner (draw3)
- Power of the witness
- Moved away from youthful life energies

Shame

Protection mechanism of a group
- Stand out of group = risk from group as a whole
- Ex - too hot, what stop me from being naked
  - What extent is the action functional?
How can I use my will’s (strong/skill/good)
Is the guilt real?
Sacrifice our individuality to be part of the group
Powerful part in puberty, self worth, can be dangerous - gender etc
Self - think you are, against how you think arena will respond
Trauma changes DNA
- easier to set off
- Fear of being excluded
Fight response links the whole body
Company experience relates to the last two points
What you see, and what isn’t obvious / accessible (red can’t hide)
Who has the better chance of getting the job etc
Suggested reading
- Gabor Mate
- In Utero

Exercise 5

Choose between sexuality / gender or the wider energy for life
Draw it
- What are the qualities?
  - Insect
  - Fast searching
  - Nature
  - Too much choice
  - Not enough variety
  - Steep effort
  - Endless
  - Short lived
Gastult - setting
Chair work
Process 20 mins each
- Talk to the image
  - If you run out, partner can ask questions
    - What is the block
    - What it the block trying to say emerge
- Then be the block
  - If you run out, partner can guide as a coach / therapist
- Create a dialogue, feel what it is like to be the block (like the shaman as the deer)
Other
- As self
  - Holding, not free, lingering
  - What do you need? Wonderx5
  - Shame
  - Visceral / physical (+emotional)
  - How to help you
- As block
  - Safety
  - Felt punished
  - Response x3
  - Hard to hide
  - Fight / express
  - Not right setting
  - Scared, mostly angry
  - No love, being seen
  - Too much conformity
- As Self
  - Can hear, things have changed
  - Look at what else you have
  - Look at your freedom you have to explore and play
- As block
  - Fear of judgement of family, dad/brother
  - Presence of Voices + Friends
  - Still have anger
  - Suppressing in other ways - alcohol/drugs
  - Changed
    - Less shame
    - Room to expand and follow instinct
    - Not knowing
- As self
  - Highlighted men in family
  - Willing / able to experience shame
  - Highlight support
  - Acknowledgement
  - Suggest maybe there is change, maybe it doesn’t matter
Me
- Little passion
- On a journey
- Can’t see the space and goal
- Struggle with sameness
- How do you deal with that
- Learning to be, slow down, listen
- Arena changes all the time
- Enjoy learning
- Enjoy the challenge
- **Passion doesn’t need to be **
  - Directed towards a goal
  - Be good / pleasant
The exercise doesn’t need to be insightful, might be to recognise the block has a purpose etc.
Our system needs to develop, sometimes this is a block

Thoughts between the lesson:

You can follow the herd or be on the fringe of society
Attraction to the fringe
- Pressure
- Curiosity
To be at the fringe take courage
- may not be fruitful
Self as inexhaustible source of aspiration
- Heidegger depicts the angel, your devine double
  - Messenger who knows more, mediator with the supreme being
- I was seeing self more like Jung secret second self
New insight in relation to enabling activation
- How about also seeing the self being inexhaustible nothingness? Allowing for insight and creativity
- Instead of all knowing, we are now in not knowing and access to more of the infinity of our potentiality
- Propositional knowing is guiding but also entrapping, use of abstract symbols allow for the freedom of emergence
- so how about a less defined vision of self, to the extreme, nothingness
- also requires the awe and wonder
Summary: Use the imaginal of Self as the meeting of
- my
  - nothingness
  - concrete sensory
  - abstract imaginal
- with sense of understanding
- integrated (synthesis)

Exploring new boundaries
- Where am I pushing boundaries
- Where do I need to be careful
Boundaries of sexuality and gender can be very damaging

Exercise

Questions

Chance to explore
Religious cultural influences, dating, touching, sex
Partner to ask questions
Where is my boundaries
What are you more curious about
35 mins - first part
10mins - reflecting intersectionality
Recommended search - Del de la Grace Volcano

Eros

Consumptive
- Having mode
- Difference to Phillia, Agape
Physical
- Sex
- Dancing
- Walking in nature
Stimulated
- Waking
- Free
- Flow
Adventure
- Excitement
- Newness
- Good and bad
- Courage
- Mindset
- Breaking frame / insight
Destructive
- Imprinting
- Too much, too hard
- Obsessive
Passion
- Laughing / Crying
- Energied

Exercise

Timeline

Sex
Gender
Spirituality

What do you notice when you see the three lines?
- Oscillation between self and unity
- Conformity responsibility comes up a lot
- Phases of interest
- Spiral dynamics
- Maturity
What defines you most now? Sexuality, Gender, Spirituality
- Spirituality
  - Search for meaning
  - Disconnected from the body, inexperienced
How do you express your sexuality / gender?
- Conform
- Not interested
How do you express your spirituality?
- Everything
- Bravery / desperation
Which do you find easy to talk about
- Spirituality
- But both

Sexualities and Genders - Feedback form

Which ideas have you found the most helpful, meaningful or challenging? Which exercises?

Looking at Eros and how it might be activated was the area I most responded to. I feel that both the long exercise looking at sexuality in my childhood and doing the timeline with reference to sexuality, gender and spirituality was very enriching and highlighted my patterns for further reflection.

What has been the high point or major learning of this course for you?

I feel that the exercise where we visualized and spoke about the three draws was a great way of opening up and exploring deeper. I made some profound realisations of Self as an empty vessel with capacity for newness.

What has been the quality of the conceptual content? Its organisation? Continuity? Presentation? Clarity?

With a title like Sexuality and Gender, it was always going to be a wildly individual interpretation and come with all levels of expectations. I felt the beginning of the 3 days was quite mysterious, which had its benefits of not imposing direction and allowing things to emerge. However, on the other hand, I felt many students including myself were a little lost and not grasping the overview of the weekend.

Has there been anything missing from the course or anything you would have liked more of given the time limits? Was there anything which did not work for you or which could have worked more effectively if changed?

I liked that the theme moved slightly away from sexuality and gender and more towards Eros. I would have liked a comparison of Eros with other definitions of love energy such as Philia and Agape, as it would have brought more clarity to the direction. Also I realised that looking at sexuality and gender were significant topics to bring us to Eros, which seemed to be mentioned but maybe not highlighted with clarity.

What comments do you have about the course trainer(s) and assistants? How was your relationship with the trainer(s)?

I felt there was a very professional level of response from the trainer. I didn’t experience much from the assistant, but others expressed much benefit.

Exercise 1

Exercise 2

Exercise 3 - reflective

Lesson 2

Exercise 4

Shame

Exercise 5

Thoughts between the lesson:

Morning share notes

Exercise

Eros

Exercise

Sexualities and Genders - Feedback form

Which ideas have you found the most helpful, meaningful or challenging? Which exercises?

What has been the high point or major learning of this course for you?

What has been the quality of the conceptual content? Its organisation? Continuity? Presentation? Clarity?

Has there been anything missing from the course or anything you would have liked more of given the time limits? Was there anything which did not work for you or which could have worked more effectively if changed?

What comments do you have about the course trainer(s) and assistants? How was your relationship with the trainer(s)?